I have now been back stateside almost 5 months. A lot has happened in the past five months, yet at times it feels that nothing at all has occurred in those same five months. The transition has been horrible, awesome, confusing, clear, a learning experience, slow, fast, long, short, and a number of other conflicting adjectives and emotions. Finally I can say I no longer feel guilty for every meal I eat over the $2.00 budget, but I do still talk to at least one or two fellow World Racers everyday in hopes of staying grounded. Finally, I'm no longer terrified I'm going to forget each and every lesson the Lord taught me while on the World Race, and have moved forward, embracing and accepting the new things He is teaching me NOW! I have finally made it to the point where I am ready and willing to follow the Lord into the "Next" that He has for me, into a new "Unknown." With this readiness comes an announcement to all of you who have been praying me through this time of transition and encouraging me every step of the way. The announcement is (insert drum roll here) I am moving to Colorado Springs, Colorado the last weekend in May and will start the Masters of Arts in Teaching Program at Colorado College on June 1.
In January the Lord really began to bring clarity to the dream He has given me for my future, that dream being To start and run a full functioning school and orphanage in a 3rd world country, with the constant capability of hosting short term teams. After bringing my goal and my vision in to such clear focus, He then began to show me that the next five to seven years will be used as a time of equipping. A time of being equipped spiritually, financially, educationally, experientially, and I'm sure many other -ly ways. My biggest prayer the past five months has been obvious open and obvious closed doors coupled with the discernment and wisdom to know and see the difference between the two. From acceptance into the Masters program, to a salaried internship, to a place to live, I feel confident in the Lord's leading me out to Colorado. I recently spent two weeks out in Colorado with many dear friends and wrestled the entire time with this decision. The decision was not made lightly, and was soaked in constant and continuous prayer, therefore I can finally say with excitement, desire, and obedience that I will be moving to Colorado Springs in May!
A dialogue is defined as "a conversation between two or more persons." (If this is something you've yet to experience with Abba God I highly recommend it!) This specific dialogue took place as I sat in the back of a truck for hours on the roads in Port au Prince, Leogane, and Petit Goave, Haiti. My eyes were astonished as there were tent cities as far as they could see. The pictures from TV were alive and there was more rubble than I could have ever imagined. Occasionally we would slam on the breaks to proceed slowly with caution over the huge crack in the asphalt. A three-story building approximately 36 inches high on my right; a pile of rods, rocks, and wires on the side of the road 15 feet plus on my left. Sweat dripping off my forehead streaming down my face and back as I continuously surveyed the land and the dialogue began.
"God, what am I doing here? Where do I even begin to help these people, your people?"
What do you have to give?
"We have 327 bags full of rice, beans, sugar, oil, pasta, garlic, sardines, and tomato sauce, but what is 327 bags in the midst of millions of people who are hungry and thirsty and a nation in need of rebuilding?"
What do you have to give?
"I just told you, we spent all day yesterday preparing 327 bags of food and stuffing about the same amount of envelopes with money in it and we are on our way to hand these out."
But, what do you have to give, my child?
"Well, considering I had zero income in the year 2009 and am currently living at home as a means of survival, I guess I don't really have much. I don't really have any money, I don't know how to build buildings, I don't live here, and I don't even speak Creole. So I guess I don't really have much of anything to give."
Exactly. But what do I have to give?
"Blessings for those who hunger and weep, for they will be satisfied and laugh (Luke 6:21). Water that leads to never being thirsty again (John 4:14). Eternal life that they may not perish but live forever with you (John 3:16). Every spiritual blessing in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). The gospel not merely in words but made alive in the power of the Holy Spirit (1 Thess. 1:5). Wow, God you have a lot to give! So what am I doing here?" (side note I looked these passages up later, I'm far from a walking concordance!)
Now, what do you have to give?
"Well (gulp) I have been given all of these things from YOU, so I guess I could try passing them along. But how God? I don't speak creole? We are giving out food, not preaching."
Look deeper. Do you trust me?
"Of course I trust you! Ok, What do I have? I have 327 bags of food and money, I have time to give, I have a smile to pass along and arms to hold, I have a hand to high five or shake, I have the ability to pray and intercede on behalf of everyone I see and every tent city I pass, I have a heart broken for that which breaks my Father's, I have been called and I am here so there must be purpose."
That's better. So give.
So that's exactly what I began to do. I began praying fervently for everything I saw and was taking in. I helped our team of about 12 people pass out the 327 bags of food. I walked through a tent city and smiled and waved to every single person I saw. On the inside I declared hope and peace over every single person I touched or passed. It didn't feel like much and I had to fight to not be overwhelmed by the millions that I knew were hungry and thirsty and sick and without anything, but it was what I had to give. As you can see in the dialogue above, I did a lot of the talking as listening to the Lord is still an art I am daily striving to get better at, but I also think He finds joy like any Father in guiding us along and not just giving us all the answers. If the power of the Holy Spirit resides within you...you have something to give! My challenge to myself and to anyone reading this blog is to ask yourself that question: What do you have to give? It may seem miniscule in our eyes, but if we are each giving our "miniscule" part I believe the God of multiplication might just use it to cover the entire nation!
Today many miles away from Haiti and all the pain and hurting this is what I have to give, a simple prayer: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
The time has finally come to return to one of my favorite places in the world: Canaan Orphanage in
Haiti! The best part is this time my mom is going with me! Last February on the World Race Team BLING got to spend the month of February at Canaan and it was absolutely INCREDIBLE. There are many familiar faces I can't wait to see and many new ones I'm excited to meet. The trip will be quick which may be hard for me, but I am trusting that God's timing is perfect and as He has called each of us here for this specific time it will be awesome! Mom and I are joining a team of about 20 people and we are willing and excited to serve in whatever venture may come our way. Pictures and post to come upon our return, for now be praying for eyes and ears to see and hear as He leads and speaks.
Last year I wrote a blog titled Birthday Blessings after an incredible 23rd birthday with my team in the Dominican Republic. This year my 24th Birthday was full of just as many incredible blessings right here in Wetumpka, Alabama! What started out as a small birthday dinner with some of the girls from the Race turned in to a reunion of 13 members of H-squad at my house and I couldn't have felt more loved. Some drove insane hours and distances, some flew in, and others postponed other plans to make the even possible. Leading up to the day I was giddy and excited as the thing I have missed most since being home is being surrounded by my H-squad family of 52 constantly encouraging, loving, and fighting for me. Although not all 52 could make the event, being physically surrounded by 12, getting to see a few more on skype from Spain, and receiving phone calls, texts, and facebook messages from the majority of the others was the best set of birthday blessings I could have ever asked for. Most everyone got here on Saturday and we went to dinner at Number Sixteen in Montgomery. After dinner we were picked up in a limo bus boasting an American flag down the side in which we danced, laughed, runway walked, and rode around the city for a couple of hours. Everyone stayed at my house that night and we woke up with a mini-H-squad worship service to start my actual birthday off right. We were able to break up into small groups and pray over each other which was AWESOME as we are really the only ones who truly get all that happened this past year without any explanation at all. The rest of the day was filled with intense corn hole and ping pong games, my wonderful mother's amazing cooking, an attempt at the gallon challenge, quality conversations, amazing birthday gifts from present guests and guests from afar, lots of love and laughter, and a surprise visit and worship session from my sister! It truly was a weekend full of blessings and I couldn't have felt more loved and honored. My worlds collided as my family and dear friend Katie Sanderson got to meet a handful of the people I lived with last year and the result was beautiful! I hope the pictures show the blessing better than my mere words can describe. This blog is mostly just a THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all who played a part in making my special day, extremely special with one Birthday blessing after another! I love you all!
Most of my life I have found pride in the fact that I didn't NEED anyone but Jesus. Friends and family have always been great and exciting to have around, but when it all comes down to it, I didn't NEED them. Eleven months on the World Race of continuous pride swallowing, dying to self, and placing others before me has altered my opinion quite drastically! Ask any world racer what they learned the most about this year and how they learned it and the resounding answer will be the word: COMMUNITY. Ask any world race alum what they miss most and again you will hear the word: COMMUNITY! Project Searchlight was an amazing two weeks back in community; it was a time of encouragement, challenge, and praying together to help figure out what the next step looks like. For me, it was another big gulp of pride swallowing.
Even after a year of amazing community, I found myself with an action plan full of DOING after the first few days of Searchlight. The plan covered the next year and half of my life, and was filled with one "good thing" after another. Every step was getting me closer to my big Kingdom Dream and honestly I was excited to have some sort of plan formulated. However my world was wrecked and my pride swallowed yet again half way through Project Searchlight. Four or five people spoke one current theme into my life and the Lord used it to get my attention. The theme said best by Mama Carol was this: "You BECOME like WHO you are around."
Moral of the story is we were made for community: 1. We were made in the image of a communal, triune God. 2. In Genesis 2:18 God immediately says "It is not good for man to be alone..." and 3. Some of the last words Jesus spoke in John 17 were for our unity, "that we may be one, just as He and the Father are one." The New Testament is full of "one another" passages:
- Love one another (John 13:34, 15:12)
- Confess to one another (James 5:16)
- Live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16)
- Be honest with one another (Colossians 3:9)
- Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
- Serve one another (John 13:1-20; Galatians 5:13)
- Bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2)
- Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32)
- Submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)
- Pray for one another (James 5:16)
- Comfort one another (2 Corinthians 13:11)
- Outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12)
Obviously we were not created to walk this path alone!!
My beautiful plan was shattered as I realized I learned more about myself, God, and living a life for Him through the past 11 months of community living than all 13 years of Christian Private School education combined. I am grateful for the years of school studying the Bible everyday, the Christian camps I went to all through childhood, and the amazing churches I have gotten to be a part of as they all prepared me beautifully for this past year. However, I now know what true Biblical community looks like and I am stifled without it.
In saying all of this, my "plan" changed from lots of doing to a need for being in a community where I will be encouraged and can encourage, challenged and able to challenge, sharpened and used to sharpen. I have no idea where this community is yet, but am currently in the researching and experimentation phase of finding it. My prayer is that the Lord will open doors where He desires for me to be and close the ones that aren't the right fit. I am seeking Him daily, desiring to hear His voice, and praying for constant clarity and patience!
**End of Blog**
Personal Application:
- I have a few friends in the Denver, Colorado area and that is really the only lead I have and am currently chasing. My plan is to go visit within the next couple months as well as apply and look in to some jobs or schooling in the area and just see if it could be a fit. If any of you have connections in that area that you would like to pass on, I would greatly appreciate it.
- I will be at home in Montgomery, Alabama for the month of February and would love to babysit, help out, or just hang out with anyone in the area.
- My mom and I are still planning on going to Haiti from February 28th to March 4th and are excited to see how the Lord will use us there.
- Stay tuned for a few more blogs as I continue to close out this season of my life and leap into the next one!
Canaan is an orphanage outside of Port-au-Prince and they are a great place to send money if you are looking for how to help the hurting nation of Haiti. I am praying that my mom and I will still be able to go there on February 28 to help in whatever capacity needed. My teammate from the race, Liz Froba, has a huge heart for Haiti and is doing an amazing job getting awareness out and providing ways for us to step in and help.
I have spent the past five days with
the Searchlight participants urgently praying for Haiti. Our prayers
are being answered. Light is infusing the darkness as we speak. This
article from Ron Hutchcraft Ministries illuminates the faith rising from the rubble.
CNN and other networks went to church today. In Haiti, that is.
Because the faith celebrated there today has become part of the story
of Haiti's darkest hour.
It's not a surprise to those of us who have been with these precious
brothers and sisters. Some of them live every day with a tenacious
faith that sustains them through their grinding poverty. And when they
worship, it's not all buttoned down like so many American churches.
It's exuberant!
That's why the CNN reporter at a Haitian Sunday service had a hard
time hearing the anchorwoman on the other end. Yes, their church was
destroyed by the earthquake.
But that didn't stop them. They worshiped in a nearby park, patching
together a platform from wood scraps and somehow finding a generator
and a sound system. Those Haitian believers were clearly experiencing
the Presence of God in the middle of the death and destruction all
around them.
One reporter seemed almost incredulous at the faith he had
encountered. "Everyone we've spoken to - they're not questioning God;
they're thanking God. We see spontaneous processions through the
streets of Port-au-Prince, joyously praising and thanking God. At times
like this, so many people's faith has defied the odds. That's what's
pulling them through."
Defiant faith. That's what it is. Not faith that denies the awful
grief of having lost someone whose death and final resting place they
may never be able to confirm. Not faith that doesn't struggle with
where to go when you've lost most of the little you had. Those
realities are painful, undeniable. But for all the pain and loss on
their scale, they have something on the other side of the scale.
Something - or Someone - who balances the scale on the side of hope.
And the world is watching and listening. What they are seeing is a
power that is greater than even life's most overwhelming shocks.
Because its Source goes beyond this life.
Put simply, their life is in the hands of a Savior who conquered
life's most fearsome enemy, death. Who, according to history, walked
out of His grave under His own power. He stands above all the religions
and prophets of history as the only Man who validated His message with
a resurrection. Most every religious leader has promised eternal life.
But only Jesus proved He has it to give.
What we are seeing in the defiant faith of the believers of Haiti
is, in short, Jesus Christ alive. In them. The Bible describes this
infusion of uncrushable life this way: "In His great mercy He has given
us new birth, into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus
Christ from the dead" (1 Peter 1:3). Hope that is a Person, not a religion.
If you followed me this year, you know that one of the places that stole my heart the most was Thailand, the Land of Smiles. Another World Race team is currently in Thailand and racer Jessica Johnson posted a phenomenal video displaying the despair all over that place, followed with the emphasis of the beauty of TRUTH! Thailand is continually on my heart and as I entrust a land that I love so dearly back into my Father's hands, He is ever so faithful in bringing new teams with freshness and excitement.
I pray this video has an impact, not just an "awww" factor.
One of the things we have done during Project Searchlight is take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. My results came back labeling me an ESTP: extrovert, sensing, thinking, perceiving. Here's a deeper interpretation of what that means according to a quick Google search. Let me know what you think!
The Doer
As an ESTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you
take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.
Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally
and logically.
ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable,
ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward
risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands
dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on
introspection or theory. They look at the facts of a situation, quickly
decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next
thing.
ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and
motivations. They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed
by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance. They're typically
a couple of steps ahead of the person they're interacting with. ESTPs use
this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are
seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has
decided that something needs to be done, then their "do it and get on with it"
attitude takes precendence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to
have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will
doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may
hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will
not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong.
ESTPs have a strong flair for drama and style. They're fast-moving, fast-talking
people who have an appreciation for the finer things in life. They're usually very good at story telling
and improvising. They typically make things up as they go along, rather
than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be
around. They make decisions based on facts and logic.
ESTP's least developed area is their intuitive side. They are impatient
with theory, and see little use for it in their quest to "get things done".
An ESTP will occasionally have strong intuitions which are often way
off-base, but sometimes very lucid and positive.
The ESTP does not trust their instincts, and is suspicious of
other people's intuition as well.
The ESTP gets bored with classes
in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get
things done.
The ESTP needs to keep moving, and so does well in careers where he or she is
not restricted or confined. ESTPs
have a natural abundance of energy and enthusiasm, which makes them
natural entrepreneurs. They get very excited about things, and have
the ability to motivate others to excitement and action. They can sell
anyone on any idea. They are
action-oriented, and make decisions quickly. All-in-all, they have
extraordinary talents for getting things started.
ESTPs are practical, observant, fun-loving, spontaneous risk-takers
with an excellent ability to quickly improvise
an innovative solution to a problem. They're enthusiastic and fun to
be with, and are great motivators.
If an
ESTP recognizes their real talents and operates within those realms, they
can accomplish truly exciting things.
This is an amazing song with amazing lyrics and portrays the way in which I desire to posture myself before the Lord better than any words of my own.
"If You Want Me To" By: Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to
Cuz when I cross over Jordan
Gonna sing, gonna shout,
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley
If You want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to
fast, long, short, and a number of other conflicting adjectives and emotions. Finally I can say I no longer feel guilty for every meal I eat over the $2.00 budget, but I do still talk to at least one or two fellow World Racers everyday in hopes of staying grounded. Finally, I'm no longer terrified I'm going to forget each and every lesson the Lord taught me while on the World Race, and have moved forward, embracing and accepting the new things He is teaching me NOW! I have finally made it to the point where I am ready and willing to follow the Lord into the "Next" that He has for me, into a new "Unknown." With this readiness comes an announcement to all of you who have been praying me through this time 
of transition and encouraging me every step of the way. The announcement is (insert drum roll here) I am moving to Colorado Springs, Colorado the last weekend in May and will start the Masters of Arts in Teaching Program at Colorado College on June 1. 
spiritually, financially, educationally, experientially, and I'm sure many other -ly ways. My biggest prayer the past five months has been obvious open and obvious closed doors coupled with the discernment and wisdom to know and see the difference between the two. From acceptance into the Masters program, to a salaried internship, to a place to live, I feel confident in the Lord's leading me out to Colorado. I recently spent two weeks out in Colorado with many dear friends and wrestled the entire time with this decision. The decision was not made lightly, and was soaked in constant and continuous prayer, therefore I can finally say with excitement, desire, and obedience that I will be moving to Colorado Springs in May! 
with caution over the huge crack in the asphalt.
A three-story building approximately 36 inches high on my right; a pile of rods, rocks, and wires on the side of the road 15 feet plus on my left. Sweat dripping off my forehead streaming down my face and back as I continuously surveyed the land and the dialogue began. 
What do you have to give?
"Well, considering I had zero income in the year 2009 and am currently living at home as a means of survival, I guess I don't really have much. I don't really have any money, I don't know how to build buildings, I don't live here, and I don't even speak Creole. So I guess I don't really have much of anything to give."
"Well (gulp) I have been given all of these things from YOU, so I guess I could try passing them along. But how God? I don't speak creole? We are giving out food, not preaching."
single person I touched or passed. It didn't feel like much and I had to fight to not be overwhelmed by the millions that I knew were hungry and thirsty and sick and without anything, but it was what I had to give. As you can see in the dialogue above, I did a lot of the talking as listening to the Lord is still an art I am daily striving to get better at, but I also think He finds joy like any Father in guiding us along and not just giving us all the answers. If the power of the Holy Spirit resides within you...you have something to give! My challenge to myself and to anyone reading this blog is to ask yourself that question: What do you have to give? It may seem miniscule in our eyes, but if we are each giving our "miniscule" part I believe the God of multiplication might just use it to cover the entire nation! 
year my 24th Birthday was full of just as many incredible blessings right here in Wetumpka, 
Alabama! What started out as a small birthday dinner with some of the girls from the Race turned in to a reunion of 13 members of H-squad at my house and I couldn't have felt more loved. Some drove insane hours and distances, some flew in, and others postponed other plans to make the even possible. Leading up to the day I was giddy and excited as the thing I have missed most since being home is being surrounded by my H-squad family of 52 constantly encouraging, loving, and fighting for me. Although not all 52 could make the event, being physically surrounded by 12, getting to see a few more on skype from Spain, 
and receiving phone calls, texts, 
and facebook messages from the majority of the others was the best set of birthday blessings I could have ever asked for. Most everyone got here on Saturday and we went to dinner at Number Sixteen in Montgomery. After dinner we were picked up in a limo bus boasting an American flag down the side in which we danced, laughed, runway walked, and rode around the city for a couple of hours. 
Everyone stayed at my house that night and we woke up with a mini-H-squad worship service to start my actual birthday off right. We were able to break up into small groups and pray over each other which was AWESOME as we are really the only ones who truly get all that happened this past year without any explanation at all. The rest of the day was filled with intense corn hole and ping pong games, my wonderful mother's amazing cooking, an attempt at the gallon 
challenge, quality conversations, amazing birthday gifts from present guests and guests from afar, lots of love and laughter, and a surprise visit and worship session from my sister! It truly was a weekend full of blessings and I couldn't have felt more loved and honored. 
My worlds collided as my family and dear friend Katie Sanderson got to meet a handful of the people I lived with last year and the result was beautiful! I hope the pictures show the blessing better than my mere words can describe. This blog is mostly just a THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all who played a part in making my special day, extremely special with one Birthday blessing after another! I love you all! 
Most of my life I have found pride in the fact that I didn't NEED anyone but Jesus. Friends and family have always been great and exciting to have around, but when it all comes down to it, I didn't NEED them. Eleven months on the World Race of continuous pride swallowing, dying to self, and placing others before me has altered my opinion quite drastically! Ask any world racer what they learned the most about this year and how they learned it and the resounding answer will be the word: COMMUNITY. Ask any world race alum what they miss most and again you will hear the word: COMMUNITY! Project Searchlight was an amazing two weeks back in community;
it was a time of encouragement, challenge, and praying together to help figure out what the next step looks like. For me, it was another big gulp of pride swallowing. 
patience! 
ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable,
ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward
risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands
dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on
introspection or theory. They look at the facts of a situation, quickly
decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next
thing.
ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and
motivations. They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed
by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance. They're typically
a couple of steps ahead of the person they're interacting with. ESTPs use
this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are
seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has
decided that something needs to be done, then their "do it and get on with it"
attitude takes precendence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to
have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will
doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may
hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will
not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong.
